<p><strong><em>Trauma as a catalyst to ODD and ADHD</em></strong></p><p>Why do kids do what they do? When they show defiance, have a tantrum, or don’t cooperate, are they intentionally trying to get us? What if the answer were no? What if science showed us that our minds and bodies are physiologically shaped by adverse experiences that, in turn, affect our behaviors? </p><p>Bessel van der Kolk is a psychiatrist known for his research on post-traumatic stress and the founder of the Trauma Center at Justice Resource Institute in Boston. His most recent book, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938" target="_blank">The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma</a> </em>(Viking, 2014), illustrates how behaviors leading to diagnoses such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) could be related to trauma. </p><p>Van der Kolk shares his research on Vietnam War veterans and survivors of sexual abuse. He discusses how these past traumatic experiences are stored in a body’s memory and then are triggered when the person is faced with a situation with even remote similarities to the situation in which the original trauma occurred. He gives the example of a medic at war who witnessed a tremendous amount of death. Upon his return to civilian life, the man was able to work and marry, and seemed to be functioning well overall. It wasn’t until he and his wife had a child that his trauma began to resurface, as the baby’s cries reminded him of crying children in the battle zone. A colleague of van der Kolk almost misdiagnosed the man as having a psychotic episode. Van der Kolk’s interpretation was different. “I think this man is suffering from memories,” he said.</p><p>Without knowledge of this man’s history, one might look at his inability to meet the needs of his crying baby and see only irrationality. Who, after all, wouldn’t move toward their child in need? Scientific research such as van der Kolk’s is beginning to show that the situation is, in fact, much more nuanced. Everybody has a story, and each individual’s story has a physiological influence on that person’s behaviors.</p><p>Van der Kolk points out that the diagnosis criteria for trauma in the American Psychiatric Association’s <em>Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition </em> falls short of recognizing trauma as a hidden cause behind common diagnoses such as ODD and ADHD. If trauma is missing as a possible diagnosis, symptoms of unresolved traumas can be misdiagnosed, mistreated, or left untreated.</p><p>If trauma were suffered by only a small percent of the population, this might not be a problem of great proportion, but van der Kolk shares how trauma is actually quite prevalent. He refers to the <a href="http://www.acestudy.org/" target="_blank">Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study</a>, for example, which asks participants 10 questions, all related to their childhood and how they were parented. This large-scale study, with more than 17,000 patients, linked participants’ childhood experiences with their long-term mental and physical health. More than half had experienced some kind of adverse childhood experiences, and their ACE score had a strong correlation with obesity, depression, lung disease, cardiovascular disease, cancer, and early death.</p><p>So what does the fact that our bodies keep score of emotional hurts mean for Solo Moms like us? The fact is, we all experience hurtful events in our lives, some extremely traumatic, such as those of the war medic. Other trauma might be smaller, such as navigating a rocky <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/divorce" target="_blank" class="wordlink">divorce</a> or dealing with the shame put on us when our child makes poor decisions. If we can begin to understand our own stories and how they shape our <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/parenting" target="_blank" class="wordlink">parenting</a>, then we can begin to empathize with our children’s stories and how our parenting influences who they become. We cannot always protect our children from traumatic experiences, but we can commit to always trying our best and to helping them find the way through their struggles by caring well for ourselves so that we can be there for them. According to van der Kolk, “Our attachment bonds are our greatest protection against threat.” As we recover from our own traumas, we become more emotionally available to our children. And no matter how you keep score, that’s a win for us all!</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Viking</span></p>
<p><strong><em>What to pack when you’re having a baby</em></strong></p><p>The amazing thing about having a baby is that you come equipped with everything necessary for the job. What you don’t have, the doctor or midwife will supply. The rest are just perks. That said, those perks are likely to make your delivery and hospital stay infinitely more pleasant. And one thing’s for sure: after delivering that baby, you deserve a pleasant hospital stay.</p><p>Since you’re flying solo, it’s a good idea to be thorough when packing; if you’re on the fence about taking something, just toss it your duffel bag. But don’t worry if you forget stuff or find you need things you didn’t anticipate—you’ll have plenty of visitors and they’ll be happy to fill in your packing gaps.</p><p><strong>For labor</strong></p><ol><li>Birth plan: If you have one, now’s definitely the time to have it handy.</li><li>Gum or sucking candies: You probably won’t be allowed to eat much while in active labor at the hospital, and these might hit the spot.</li><li>Lip balm: Hospitals can feel like the Sahara. Add a lot of panting, and you may find yourself in desperate need of lip balm.</li><li>Music, magazines, books, movies: There will probably be some downtime where you’ll want effortless distraction. Give yourself a bunch of options.</li><li>ID and insurance info.</li><li>Cash (including change for vending machine).</li></ol><p><strong>For your hospital stay</strong></p><ol><li>Snacks: There are limits to what vending machines can supply. Have your favorite snack on hand.</li><li>Pillow: After labor and delivery, you deserve a decent cushion for your tired head. Put on a colored pillowcase so you don’t leave it behind.</li><li>PJs and robe or sweater (in case it’s cold): When else can you get away with receiving guests in your PJs? Enjoy it.</li><li>No-slip socks.</li><li>Flip flops: The last thing you need postpartum is athlete’s foot.</li><li>Nursing bra: Make sure you get one that is a little large, because once your milk comes in, you’ll need the extra room.</li><li>Nursing pads: You may not need them, but they don’t take up much room.</li><li>Nipple cream: You’ll probably need something to soothe sore nipples in the first few days after delivery. Lanolin works, and olive oil does the trick too!</li><li>Underwear: The oldest, ugliest kind you have. Trust us.</li><li>Extra-strength maxi pads: Your hospital will provide some, and they may be the industrial-strength stuff you need, but you won’t know until you get there, so bring your own just in case.</li><li>Ear plugs: You may share your room and there’s no telling what the noise level of your roommate, her guests, and her baby will be. </li><li>Phone charger: You can use your phone for about a million different things, but not if it runs out of battery.</li><li>Toiletries: Toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, and nice soap are little luxuries with big pay off.</li><li>Going home outfit: Make it a maternity one.</li></ol><p><strong>For baby</strong></p><ol><li>Diapers and wipes</li><li>Pacifier</li><li>Receiving blanket</li><li>Car seat</li><li>Going home outfit</li></ol><p>Happy packing!</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>