<p><em><strong>Telling the story of a child's <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/addiction" target="_blank" class="wordlink">addiction</a></strong></em><br></p><p>Nothing can prepare a mother for discovering her child is abusing drugs. Anne Spollen has not only navigated this difficult terrain herself but also made it her mission to help other single moms facing similar situations.</p><p>When I found <a href="http://www.brainchildmag.com/tag/anne-spollen/#" target="_blank">an essay Anne had written on addiction in the family</a> that appeared in <em>Brain Child Magazine</em>, it took my breath away. Besides being well written and informative, it was gutsy and candid in its exploration of one of the toughest challenges a parent can face.</p><p>Anne is an accomplished writer and experienced professor. But if all I knew about her was her essay, I would know she has something very valuable to offer other Solo Moms.</p><p><strong>Susan: Anne, you’ve said that although single <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/parenting" target="_blank" class="wordlink">parenting</a> can be challenging, it has also been a source of strength and joy for you. Would you elaborate?</strong></p><p>Anne: A <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a> has a special bond with her child or children that a partnered mom does not. It’s kind of a you-and-me team spirit that I never had when my children’s father was present. I have done things, like driven across multiple states, managed money, handled tools, and taken on jobs that I previously never would have thought I was capable of managing. That’s where our strength comes from: Solo Moms face significant challenges every day for the sake of their kids. I know that everything I do, I do for my kids, and they know that as well. For me, that knowledge is a constant source of both strength and joy.</p><p><strong>Susan: You’ve written about difficult decisions you’ve made parenting a child who has an addiction. I know from discussions with clients and friends that this is a very challenging situation, with no one-size-fits-all approach to “helping.” What would you say to other Solo Moms who are concerned about their son’s or daughter’s drug abuse and are faced with similar decisions?</strong></p><p>Anne: I have a bit of a different take on what the experts on addiction might advise. They say that the person has to hit bottom before anything really works. To me, when a child shows signs of substance abuse, they are beginning a descent that will only end in death or jail, so you need to fight an all-out war against addiction. You absolutely cannot enable. Even if it means calling the police on your own child, do it. You should show your love by getting them help for a disease that means to kill them.</p><p>It has always seemed paradoxical to me that professionals have told me to wait until my child is “ready” for treatment—as if my child, who is injecting poison into his veins, is capable of making appropriate decisions. Also, drugs change brain chemistry. How can a person who is addicted, who is making decisions that summon damage and death, be expected to suddenly grow reasonable?</p><p>That does sometimes happen, but I think your child is worth a shove in that direction. As a Solo Mom, you may not have the support that two-parent families do. Stage an intervention, take your child to the hospital when he or she is high, and get that child into a detox program. Fight for your kid in whatever way you have to; let your child be mad at you. It’s not your child who is angry—it’s the addiction that is angry.</p><p><strong>Susan: Some of this is so hard to understand if you haven’t experienced it personally. What would you say you have learned about addiction through your experiences as a mother that you didn’t know before?</strong></p><p>Anne: I did not understand how addiction impacts the people around it to the degree it does. And I did not understand how deeply rooted it becomes in the addict. To sum that up, I would say I never understood the strength of addiction, the power it has over us.</p><p><strong>Susan: Addiction is powerful, and often mothers facing addiction feel alone and overwhelmed. How do you think Solo Moms can support one another, both in general and with specific concerns like addiction?</strong></p><p>Anne: I think sharing experiences—what worked, what didn’t work, what was miraculous, what was a disaster—helps everyone. Simply sharing experiences can be therapeutic, and, of course, the shared knowledge of resources is also vitally important.</p><p><strong>Susan: For many people with addiction, telling their story is an important part of recovery. What has writing about addiction meant to you, and what has been the response to your essay in <em>Brain, Child </em>about addiction and the family?</strong></p><p>Anne: Writing about addiction is my therapy, at least for now. I have come up against just about everything addiction has to offer. My experience with addiction completely changed my life, but, more important, it has changed my expectations and my assumptions about life. I know I can’t be alone in this.</p><p>The responses to that essay were positive: Many women (yes, they were all moms) wrote to me, some in sympathy but most in desperation about a child they suspected of using drugs. I am not a mental health professional, but I know what Solo Moms are feeling and going through. A heroin epidemic is ravaging our kids, but parents have little access to information or resources about where and how to begin to combat substance abuse in their children. I want to contribute to narrowing that gap in whatever way I can.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 12px;">Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com</span><br></p>
<p><em><strong>Get help and feel better without having to relive the trauma</strong></em></p><p>Recovery from <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/addiction" target="_blank" class="wordlink">addiction</a> can be challenging under the best of circumstances, but for some people, it is made even more challenging by the combination of two problems that are intertwined or exacerbate each other: post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and substance abuse. However, a treatment model called Seeking Safety, usually offered in group treatment but sometimes used in individual therapy, has proven itself effective at helping people with both problems.</p><p><strong>What is Seeking Safety?</strong></p><p>Seeking Safety was developed by psychologist Lisa Najavits in 1992 and has been widely used and researched since that time. As a therapist specializing in addiction treatment, I have used Seeking Safety groups with a variety of clients in various settings, with good results and feedback from clients.</p><p><strong></strong>More specifically, Seeking Safety is a present-focused treatment model that combines <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/education" target="_blank" class="wordlink">education</a> about substance abuse and trauma, the teaching and practicing of recovery skills, and case management and problem solving. When conducted as group treatment, it can also provide peer support along with professional help. It covers 25 recovery topics and can be used as either short-term or long-term treatment.</p><p><strong>Who is likely to benefit from Seeking Safety? </strong></p><p>Although Seeking Safety was specifically designed to meet the treatment needs of adults struggling with both substance abuse and PTSD, it also has been used effectively as a general model to teach coping skills. You should consider it as a treatment option for you or a loved one if you or your loved one is struggling with some form of post-trauma difficulties (whether or not you meet the full criteria for PTSD) and some kind of substance-abuse issue (whether or not you meet the full diagnostic criteria for a substance-abuse disorder). If you are struggling after a traumatic experience with problems such as nightmares, startling easily, or using substances to avoid thoughts or feelings about the experience, this might be a good treatment for you. The Seeking Safety model focuses on skill building and present-day safety, and will not require you to discuss traumatic experiences. In its group format, it may be especially valuable for individuals who, like many Solo Moms, are relatively isolated and benefit from the social support that goes along with the treatment itself.</p><p><strong>What are the benefits of Seeking Safety? </strong></p><p>I have run Seeking Safety groups in a variety of correctional, addiction, and mental-health treatment settings. My experience has been that clients like the balance between personal sharing and education about trauma, substance abuse, recovery, and self-care. Many also have said they benefit from and enjoy the weekly check-in process, which includes reporting on recent difficulties and successes, and the fact that each topic is introduced by a quote and a discussion of the quote. And there is a treatment manual that provides information and material so clients can access and review it in between sessions. </p><p>Seeking Safety has been around for decades, but when I’ve suggested it to clients, many had not heard of it and were not aware it was a treatment option. If you are interested in learning more about this treatment model and finding out whether it might be a good fit for you or someone you love, you can learn more on the <a target="_blank" href="http://www.treatment-innovations.org/seeking-safety.html">Seeking Safety website</a>.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com </span></p>