<p><strong><em>Contact visitation vs. non-contact visitation</em></strong><strong><em></em></strong><br></p><p>More than two million children have a parent who is incarcerated and millions more have the experience of their parent being arrested or detained. When a parent goes to jail (or prison) the child is also punished. Parental separation due to <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/incarceration" target="_blank" class="wordlink">incarceration</a> profoundly impacts a children’s psychological, developmental, and financial well-being. However, some family members and professionals (lawyers, judges, social workers and psychologists) question whether children should have contact with incarcerated parents and express concerns about how and when contact occurs, who regulates contact, what types of contact are feasible and desirable, and the effects of contact (or lack thereof) on children. Conversely, there are concerns about what happens when children have no contact with their incarcerated parents. Given this tension, it is necessary to consider the ways that contact between children and their incarcerated parents can be beneficial and ways for this to occur. Some of the best ways to maintain this connection include visitation (contact and no contact), telephone, video-conferencing, letter writing, and pictures.</p><p><strong>Contact Visitation</strong>. One of the best ways for children to stay connected to their parents while they are incarcerated is with regular visitation. Some jails and/or prisons allow contact visitation, which has been deemed the most effective. Contact visitation suggests that the child essentially has the ability to touch their parent. Research shows that consistent and ongoing parent-child contact is necessary for a child to successfully bond with a parent and has positive implications for forging positive relationships later in life. Contact visitation also helps normalize the circumstances between parent and child. This type of visitation is recommended in most cases unless contact with parents is not determined to be in the child’s best interest by the court. Coached or supported visits are also encouraged. </p><p><strong>No-Contact Visitation</strong>. When contact visitation is not allowed in the jail or prison, the child (and caregiver depending on the child’s age) will be able to visit the parent in a room with a glass divider. This way the child and their parent can see each other but they cannot physically touch. Because of the glass divider, parent and child must talk through a phone from either side. </p><p>In the event that visitation is not available at the facility or is not feasible due to distance, best practice encourages ongoing contact by telephone, video-conferencing, letter writing, and pictures. Most facilities provide access to telephone privileges for prisoners, so family members and caregivers can make the necessary provisions needed for the child to receive the calls from their parent. Some facilities may even offer video-conferencing so the child and their parent have the ability to see each other while they talk. Lastly, writing letters and sharing pictures are also good ways for children to stay connected to their parents while they’re incarcerated. Unless unusual circumstances apply, children can write and send letters (with pictures enclosed) to their parents as often as they like and this is likely the least costly form of contact. </p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>
<p><em><strong>Workshops for when a family member goes to jail</strong></em></p><p><strong>Having an incarcerated parent is more common than you think</strong></p><p>A boy named Alex sits on the front stoop of a New York City brownstone, reluctant to explain to a group of friends why his father isn’t around. “Is he visiting someone?” one friend asks. “My dad’s in jail,” he finally admits. “I don’t like to talk about it. Most people don’t understand.” </p><p>Alex doesn’t look like most kids who have a parent in jail—after all, he’s a Muppet with an orange face, green nose, and blue spiky hair. But his story is a distressingly common one in the United States. There are 2.7 million children under age 18 in this country who have a parent in state or federal prison. That’s more than one in 20 kids. (For African American children, the figure is one in nine.) </p><p>Children with an absent parent can feel anxious and sad and sometimes angry. Many also feel guilt, as illogical as it may seem; they think if they’d been “better,” their parent would not have been taken away from them. The mother left behind suddenly has to handle more child care with less income and also must help her children manage their conflicting feelings—not to mention her own. </p><p><strong>The burden of shame</strong></p><p>Mothers with an incarcerated partner have a lot in common with those who are divorced or widowed. But mothers whose partners are incarcerated carry an extra burden of shame: the intense stigma of the partner’s arrest and prison sentence. (Divorced women once felt stigmatized, too, but fortunately, that has all but disappeared in most communities.) Mothers often feel they can’t ask for help, fearing people won’t sympathize with their situation; many don’t want people to know what happened. That can leave both mothers and children feeling terribly isolated. </p><p>Until recently, there were few resources to help these families sort through their feelings or offer practical advice and understanding. There are plenty of books that offer guidance to parents who are struggling to raise children after a <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/divorce" target="_blank" class="wordlink">divorce</a> or the death of a partner, and plenty that are aimed at children that deal sensitively with those challenging circumstances. But for solo parents with incarcerated partners? Not so much. </p><p><strong>Workshops that can help</strong></p><p>A few years ago, the Osborne Association, a New York–based nonprofit group that works with incarcerated men and women and their families, decided to do something about that. Osborne approached Sesame Workshop—which had already developed multimedia educational materials on some of the most difficult challenges a child can face, including HIV, hunger, and warfare—and Sesame Workshop took up the challenge. </p><p>Researchers held focus groups with children and caregivers, visited prisons to talk to men and women who were <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/parenting" target="_blank" class="wordlink">parenting</a> from prison, and consulted with experts who work with families affected by <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/incarceration" target="_blank" class="wordlink">incarceration</a>. The result is a collection of children’s stories and activities, guides for caregivers with advice on things such as helping kids adjust to new routines and how to prepare for a prison visit, and a DVD featuring Alex and other fuzzy and human characters—all aimed at helping children and their caregivers cope with a family member’s incarceration. </p><p>The stories and videos gently communicate several important messages to kids: it’s not your fault; you are loved and will be cared for; and, especially, you are not alone. </p><p>“What we’ve found is that almost every child feels alone,” says Tanya Krupat, director of Osborne’s New York Initiative for Children of Incarcerated Parents. “There’s so much silence and secrecy” when a family member goes to jail, “and even lies, because parents are trying to protect their kids.” </p><p>Naturally, it’s very difficult and often painful to explain a prison sentence to a child. Mothers may not know how much information to share or what language is appropriate for what age. They worry that if the news gets out, their children could be ostracized at school. And many mothers simply don’t want their children to know that their father broke the law and got locked up. So they evade, bend, or hide the truth. </p><p><strong>Secrecy and shame</strong></p><p>Joey Mazzarino, the Muppeteer who operates the furry, red-haired character named Murray, experienced this bewildering secrecy firsthand. When he was 12, Mazzarino’s beloved and slightly wild uncle suddenly and mysteriously disappeared. His parents made up various unconvincing stories about where he’d gone. Finally Mazzarino learned from cousins that Uncle Ronnie was in prison. His parents never let him visit, and he remembers missing his uncle and also fearing for him, since his notions of prison were drawn from hard-hitting television shows such as <em>Scared Straight</em>.</p><p>That kind of secrecy is still very common, and it means that families find it hard to seek help, hard to find and share with others in the same situation, or even to talk within the family about what has happened. Eventually, the truth comes out, and when that happens, the child’s sense of trust has been damaged. Experts say it’s better to tell the truth from the start. </p><p>And that’s where the <a href="http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/topicsandactivities/toolkits/incarceration#" target="_blank">Sesame Workshop videos</a> can help. With a DVD, you can just push play and let the Muppets start the conversation.</p><p><strong>Resources</strong></p><p>Website—<a href="http://sesamestreet.org/incarceration" target="_blank">Sesame Street: Incarceration</a></p><p>Facebook—<a href="https://www.facebook.com/SesameStreetInCommunities" target="_blank">Sesame Street in Communities</a></p><p>Click <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sesame-Street-Incarceration-Kindle-Edition/dp/B00D62IAX8/ref=sr_1_7?s=mobile-apps&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1379009645&amp;sr=1-7" target="_blank">here</a> to download the free "Sesame Street: Incarceration" app to your Android Phone.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Photo credit Shutterstock.com</span><br></p>
