<p><strong><em>10 talking points to keep your kids safe</em></strong></p><ol><li>A victim can be anyone. Telling yourself that you’re too smart, too confident, or too aware of your surroundings to be a victim is naïve. No one thinks they’ll be a victim of sexual assault until they are.</li><li>Even “nice guys” can sexually assault girls. Just because a boy seems nice doesn’t mean that he always is.</li><li>Avoid parties and places where there are no adults present.</li><li>Watch your alcohol consumption. Alcohol consumption can make it difficult to be aware of your surroundings and potential dangers.</li><li>If you are at a party where alcohol is present, guard your drink, and never let someone give you a drink that you haven’t asked for or watched them make.</li><li>Watch out for your friends. The best prevention against sexual assault is bystander intervention.</li><li>Do not be afraid to speak up or leave the situation if something feels wrong.</li><li>If you have been sexually assaulted, it is not because of alcohol, the way you were dressed, or the way you behaved. No matter what you have done, perpetrators do not “lose control.” They make the <em>choice</em> to assault another person.</li><li>When we ask a girl why she “went to that party” or “wore that skirt,” it’s called “victim blaming.” Victim blaming is when people (or entire communities) blame the victim for her behavior rather than focusing on the behavior of the perpetrator. If a friend comes to you and discloses that she has been sexually assaulted, avoid blaming her or questioning her behavior. It is just as easy to victim blame others as it is to be victim blamed.</li><li>If you or a friend has been sexually assaulted, seek the assistance of a trusted adult. This should be the first thing you do. Sexual assault is too much of a burden to carry alone, and shame thrives in silence. </li></ol><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>
<p><strong><em>A workbook for survivors</em></strong></p><p>Breaking free from an abusive relationship is a difficult and often overwhelming task, but even after the relationship has ended, the effects of the abuse often remain. Survivors of abusive relationships should seek the help of a professional in sorting through their residual emotions and traumas. But there are some resources you can use on your own, such as <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Domestic-Violence-Harbinger/dp/1572243694/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t"><em>Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women</em></a> (New Harbinger Publications, 2004) by Edward S. Kubany, PhD, Mari A. McCaig, MSCP, and Janet R. Laconsay, MA. </p><p>Each chapter in the workbook deals with some aspect of healing from <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/domestic-violence" target="_blank" class="wordlink">domestic violence</a>. The primary focus of the book is recovery from the posttraumatic stress disorder that often accompanies domestic violence, and chapters address such issues as anger, negative self-talk, managing stress, overcoming guilt, and identifying potential perpetrators. Chapters are laid out in an easy to follow fashion, generally offering a summary of the subject, followed by a self-assessment, and culminating with practical and proven strategies for healing. The authors use cognitive trauma therapy principle to help measuring improvement. Survivors are asked to revisit their responses from the whole process after completing the workbook so they can see their progress. </p><p>This workbook is an excellent supplement to therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder. It gives survivors a safe means of expressing their fears, emotions, and feelings of guilt and shame, but it also insightfully and compassionately offers survivors alternative ways of thinking. For example, in the chapter “The Power of Nonnegative Thinking,” the authors write, “Asking why does you no good at all! The next time you ask why, quickly ask yourself a ‘what’ question: ‘What am I going to do about it?’ If your answer is ‘nothing,’ change the subject. You are wasting your time.” Strategies like this give this book its power. This book doesn’t just ask “why.” It offers readers ways they can accomplish healing from such a difficult experience.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via New Harbinger Publications</span><span style="font-size: 11px;"></span></p>
<p><strong><em>A <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a>’s experience with the Women’s Independence Scholarship Program</em></strong></p><p>When my <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/domestic-violence" target="_blank" class="wordlink">domestic violence</a> advocate suggested “The Sunshine Ladies Scholarship,” I pictured a bunch of old Southern biddies signing scholarship checks with shaky hands. She printed out the thick application. I had an 11-month-old, and we lived in transitional housing. School seemed a little off my radar.</p><p><a href="http://www.wispinc.org/Scholarship/tabid/56/Default.aspx" target="_blank">The Women’s Independence Scholarship Program</a>, or WISP, Inc., is set up specifically for survivors of domestic violence. But applicants must be a year out of their relationship and work closely with a domestic violence advocate as a sponsor. When I first looked through the packet, I couldn’t imagine not being with my abuser anymore. I still thought we could work things out. Maybe after he finished his anger management classes, or the domestic violence counseling, or when he finally saw what a good mother I was to his daughter. I couldn’t give up the hope that raising my daughter alone wasn’t my fate. I still didn’t think I could.</p><p>We lived in a studio apartment when I applied two years later. I worked full-time as a house cleaner and took classes online, staying up late at night to finish assignments. I paid for school with the Pell Grant, but after two semesters, I couldn’t keep it up anymore. I decided to take out loans and applied for the scholarship. </p><p>Their website states, “The primary intent is to help single mothers with young children who have the greatest financial challenges (child-care costs, etc.) to gain work skills so they can support their families. Our funds target women who are in desperate financial situations and absolutely must have both an <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/education" target="_blank" class="wordlink">education</a> and our funds to assist them.” When I told my ex about applying, he said, “Oh, you’re still playing the victim card, huh? Everything should come to you because you cried abuse. You’ll never get anywhere because you’re so stuck in the past.” But I applied anyway. </p><p>WISP doesn’t just accept your application and send you a check; they take you under their wing and make sure you’re staying on your path of gaining knowledge and independence. Their letters of acceptance are packed with sunshine confetti. They send you cards and emails of inspirational quotes. You must reapply every semester (with a much shorter application, thankfully), but that keeps you from wavering. When I sat down to write out those reapplication essay answers and reflected on the last 10 weeks, it felt incredible to have an organization that had my back and supported me. By the time I finished my bachelor’s degree, WISP had funded $12,000 of my living and emergency expenses. I used the money to purchase a computer, fix my car, pay rent, pay child care, move, pay bills, buy books, and sometimes pay tuition. They’d stuck with me and believed in me. I didn’t have a supportive family, and my abuser chastised me for going to school instead of working, but those Sunshine Ladies saw me through.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span><br><br></p>