<p><strong><em>Know the facts, statistics, and warning signs</em></strong></p><p>Most of us are aware that <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/domestic-violence" target="_blank" class="wordlink">domestic violence</a> is a widespread, pressing issue. Teens suffer from violence at the hands of <a href="https://esme.com/single-moms/dating" target="_blank" class="wordlink">dating</a> partners—in even higher percentages than adults. Teens are especially susceptible to dating abuse because they’re experiencing love for the first time. For teens, relationships can be so new and overwhelming that it’s hard to know what behavior is OK and what's not. That is precisely why you, as a parent, can be a huge help. </p><p>Here’s what you need to know to keep your teen safe:</p><p><strong>What is dating abuse?</strong></p><p>Dating abuse is a pattern of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse, used to exert power and control over a dating partner. It’s important to note that abuse is not always physical. Emotional abuse—insults, humiliation, jealousy, and controlling behavior—can be just as dangerous and devastating. </p><p><strong>How common is dating abuse?</strong></p><ul><li>One in three teens in the U.S. has experienced abuse from a dating partner—either physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal.</li><li>43% of women who date in college say they’ve experienced violent or abusive dating behaviors.</li><li>Women ages 16 to 24 are victims of violence from a partner at a rate that’s nearly three times the national average.</li><li>Of youths who’ve experienced both violence and rape in dating relationships, half try to commit suicide.</li><li>Only one-third of teenagers who faced relationship violence told someone.</li></ul><p><strong>What warning signs can Solo Moms watch for?</strong></p><ul><li>Your child’s partner is extremely jealous or possessive.</li><li>You observe unexplained marks or bruises.</li><li>Your child’s partner texts or emails excessively.</li><li>Your child begins to dress differently.</li><li>You notice that your child is depressed or anxious.</li><li>Your child stops participating in extracurricular activities or other interests.</li><li>Your child stops spending time with other friends and family.</li><li>You notice that your child’s partner abuses other people.</li></ul><p><strong>What can you do to help?</strong></p><ul><li>If your child reaches out to you, take the concerns seriously. Be sure not to minimize the situation because they’re young, inexperienced, or in a new relationship. </li><li>Let them know you’re concerned for their safety. Offer to connect your child with a professional who can help and who’ll keep things confidential.</li><li>Be supportive and understanding and reserve judgment. Stress that you’re on their side and you don’t blame them. </li><li>If they decide to end the relationship, help them develop a safety plan, with the aid of support groups or professionals. This is one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship. </li><li>Remember that while you can provide support, it’s up to your child to make the choice to leave the relationship. Let them know that you respect their choices</li></ul><p><strong>How do you talk to your child about healthy relationships?</strong></p><ul><li>Keep lines of communication open. Abuse thrives in secrecy, so the most important step in keeping kids safe is to encourage open discussion. Ask questions and be sure to listen. Avoid interrupting, analyzing, lecturing, or accusing. Be nonjudgmental, and supportive so they feel comfortable being honest with you. </li><li>Keep it low-key. If your child is not ready to talk, try again another time.</li><li>Admit to not knowing the answer to a particular question. This response builds trust.</li><li>Emphasize that dating should be fun, and that violence is never OK.</li><li>Talk about what your child can do if they witness dating abuse or experience it themselves.</li><li>Remind your child they can always say no to anything they’re not comfortable with—and that they should respect this right in others. </li></ul><p>For tons more info, visit <a href="http://loveisrespect.org" target="_blank">Love Is Respect</a>.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span> </p>
<p><strong><em>10 talking points to keep your kids safe</em></strong></p><ol><li>A victim can be anyone. Telling yourself that you’re too smart, too confident, or too aware of your surroundings to be a victim is naïve. No one thinks they’ll be a victim of sexual assault until they are.</li><li>Even “nice guys” can sexually assault girls. Just because a boy seems nice doesn’t mean that he always is.</li><li>Avoid parties and places where there are no adults present.</li><li>Watch your alcohol consumption. Alcohol consumption can make it difficult to be aware of your surroundings and potential dangers.</li><li>If you are at a party where alcohol is present, guard your drink, and never let someone give you a drink that you haven’t asked for or watched them make.</li><li>Watch out for your friends. The best prevention against sexual assault is bystander intervention.</li><li>Do not be afraid to speak up or leave the situation if something feels wrong.</li><li>If you have been sexually assaulted, it is not because of alcohol, the way you were dressed, or the way you behaved. No matter what you have done, perpetrators do not “lose control.” They make the <em>choice</em> to assault another person.</li><li>When we ask a girl why she “went to that party” or “wore that skirt,” it’s called “victim blaming.” Victim blaming is when people (or entire communities) blame the victim for her behavior rather than focusing on the behavior of the perpetrator. If a friend comes to you and discloses that she has been sexually assaulted, avoid blaming her or questioning her behavior. It is just as easy to victim blame others as it is to be victim blamed.</li><li>If you or a friend has been sexually assaulted, seek the assistance of a trusted adult. This should be the first thing you do. Sexual assault is too much of a burden to carry alone, and shame thrives in silence. </li></ol><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>
<p><strong><em>A <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a>’s experience with the Women’s Independence Scholarship Program</em></strong></p><p>When my <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/domestic-violence" target="_blank" class="wordlink">domestic violence</a> advocate suggested “The Sunshine Ladies Scholarship,” I pictured a bunch of old Southern biddies signing scholarship checks with shaky hands. She printed out the thick application. I had an 11-month-old, and we lived in transitional housing. School seemed a little off my radar.</p><p><a href="http://www.wispinc.org/Scholarship/tabid/56/Default.aspx" target="_blank">The Women’s Independence Scholarship Program</a>, or WISP, Inc., is set up specifically for survivors of domestic violence. But applicants must be a year out of their relationship and work closely with a domestic violence advocate as a sponsor. When I first looked through the packet, I couldn’t imagine not being with my abuser anymore. I still thought we could work things out. Maybe after he finished his anger management classes, or the domestic violence counseling, or when he finally saw what a good mother I was to his daughter. I couldn’t give up the hope that raising my daughter alone wasn’t my fate. I still didn’t think I could.</p><p>We lived in a studio apartment when I applied two years later. I worked full-time as a house cleaner and took classes online, staying up late at night to finish assignments. I paid for school with the Pell Grant, but after two semesters, I couldn’t keep it up anymore. I decided to take out loans and applied for the scholarship. </p><p>Their website states, “The primary intent is to help single mothers with young children who have the greatest financial challenges (child-care costs, etc.) to gain work skills so they can support their families. Our funds target women who are in desperate financial situations and absolutely must have both an <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/education" target="_blank" class="wordlink">education</a> and our funds to assist them.” When I told my ex about applying, he said, “Oh, you’re still playing the victim card, huh? Everything should come to you because you cried abuse. You’ll never get anywhere because you’re so stuck in the past.” But I applied anyway. </p><p>WISP doesn’t just accept your application and send you a check; they take you under their wing and make sure you’re staying on your path of gaining knowledge and independence. Their letters of acceptance are packed with sunshine confetti. They send you cards and emails of inspirational quotes. You must reapply every semester (with a much shorter application, thankfully), but that keeps you from wavering. When I sat down to write out those reapplication essay answers and reflected on the last 10 weeks, it felt incredible to have an organization that had my back and supported me. By the time I finished my bachelor’s degree, WISP had funded $12,000 of my living and emergency expenses. I used the money to purchase a computer, fix my car, pay rent, pay child care, move, pay bills, buy books, and sometimes pay tuition. They’d stuck with me and believed in me. I didn’t have a supportive family, and my abuser chastised me for going to school instead of working, but those Sunshine Ladies saw me through.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span><br><br></p>