<p><strong><em>Tips for making the best out of a demanding, yet rewarding, situation</em></strong></p><p>Life expectancy in the United States has hit an all time high. And while this is wonderful news, older people often require assistance with their daily tasks. While some seniors eventually end up in assisted living facilities, many of them live at home. Their care often falls on the shoulders of their children—us. Our generation is the “sandwich generation” because many of us are caring for our children and our aging parents. Here are some things to consider when caring for your parents at home.</p><p><strong>Talk with the medical providers</strong></p><p>Talk directly with your parent’s doctors. This will require consent, but it is extremely important. Sometimes parents may downplay their medical needs as a point of pride. You need to know exactly what their health conditions are, what medications they are on, and what side effects these medications may have. Also ask their doctor how she expects their health to change over time. Many of the illnesses that affect older people are progressive, and it is important for you to know how their health will change. Ask how these changes will impact the level of care they will need. Knowing what may be in your future can help you plan ahead for changes.</p><p><strong>Be realistic</strong></p><p>Assess your time and resources, and be honest with yourself. Caring for your parents will be difficult at times. Overextending yourself because you feel that is the right thing to do is not going to be helpful to anybody. Also be realistic about the level of assistance you may receive from other family members. Unfortunately, not all family members are going to help. You can request assistance, but if they are not willing to step up, you will need to find alternatives. Calculate your parent’s <a href="https://esme.com/resources/c/work-and-finances" target="_blank" class="wordlink">finances</a>. This can be extremely difficult for some parents to turn over. Be as sensitive as you can, but it truly is imperative for you to know what their financial situation is so you know what financial resources you have available to you. Base all your decisions on realistic goals. This is not the time to beat yourself up over not being able to provide an ideal solution. You do the best you can.</p><p><strong>Include your parent in decision making</strong> </p><p>It can be easy to dismiss an older parent’s input, especially if there are changes in memory or cognitive function. But listen to their objections and feelings, and try to reassure them that any decisions you are making is to insure their health and safety. When possible, present your parents with choices. Can they choose whom they have help them? Can they decide what modification may be made to their home to make it safer for them? Now is a good time to discuss long-term care wishes and end of life care. Put all the cards on the table and discuss it all. Do not be afraid to bring in a counselor or mediator. A third party can help with these emotional conversations.</p><p><strong>Expect resentment and anger</strong></p><p>This is a tough one to talk about. Maybe you and your parents have always gotten along well. Or maybe it has always been contentious. Either way, expect some resentment and anger from your parents now. When children start caring for parents, there is a huge shift in the balance. The one thing your parents have always had over you is authority. Now they do not have that. They guided you and counseled you, and now there is a role reversal. It can be difficult for some parents to swallow and they lash out in frustration. Although this feels extremely personal, try not to take it that way. Try to remain as calm as possible, and don’t allow them to push any of the buttons they are well aware you have. If you anticipate their anger and resentment, it will be easier to deal with when it shows up.</p><p><strong>Take care of yourself</strong></p><p>Last, but certainly not least, take care of yourself. Protect your assets. Do not overextend yourself financially—you have you and your children to look after. Be sure you are eating right and at least taking walks. Stretch out at the end of the day. Find time to do whatever it is you enjoy doing—hikes with your kids, reading a good book, baking. Caring for aging parents is a marathon, not a sprint! It can be a long, drawn out process, and you have to find a balance between their needs and your own. It does no one any good to burn out the first year and become resentful and angry. Do not feel guilty about taking the time you need—you need it!</p><p>For many of us, caring for aging parents is a reality. And our parents want to stay in their homes for as long as they can, which puts the burden of caring for them on us. By being aware of some of the hurdles you may encounter along the way, you can better prepare yourself for this difficult yet rewarding time of your life.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>
<p><strong><em><span style="font-size: 20px;">The pros and cons of using a nanny camera</span></em></strong></p><p>Most moms wonder what exactly goes on between their child and her caretaker when they are not watching—while they also readily admit to a certain degree of the ick factor in wondering this at all. We live in an age of surveillance, so the nanny cam answers that curious call. </p><p>The use of nanny cameras has increased in both use and recognition over the past few years. Counter Spy Shops, an international chain that sells the cams, reports a 25% increase in sales of these devices since 2011. They cost between $100 and $500, and are available in most electronics stores.</p><p>A few stories promoted in the media about caregivers caught neglecting children have created a steady market for in-home surveillance. But before you consider tricking out Blue Bunny à la James Bond, consider the following factors.</p><p><strong>How is a nanny cam used?</strong></p><p>Nanny cams are placed in strategic locations in your home where the caregiver and the child spend the most time: most commonly in the kitchen, playroom, or the child’s bedroom. If the parent wishes to keep the surveillance undetected, the camera is placed in a plant or a stuffed animal. The cams can be used to view the activities of pet sitters, house cleaners, or anyone else who frequents your home.</p><p><strong>Are they legal?</strong> </p><p>Yes and no. In all 50 states, you can install a nanny cam without the caregiver’s consent. It is illegal to tape your nanny in the bathroom or in the nanny’s private bedroom, in the case of an au pair or any live-in caretaker. Be careful when it comes to audio: if you live in California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Oregon, Pennsylvania, or Washington, you are legally obligated to notify your caregiver if you intend to capture him or her speaking. You could be prosecuted for neglecting to do so, and, if you were to discover the unthinkable, your evidence would be inadmissible in court because it was illegally obtained.</p><p><strong>The pros </strong></p><p>The clear and overwhelming benefit of in-home surveillance is peace of mind. Knowing your child is being cared for safely and warmly can reassure the most anxious of moms. </p><p>It’s also a terrific way to maintain a sense of connection with your child throughout the day. If you worry about missing milestones or just want to see your child’s smile while you’re away, a nanny cam can provide that. </p><p>Watching the interaction might also afford a springboard for a needed discussion between you and your nanny. Maybe he or she is doing a terrific job reading to your son, and you want to mention that. If your family eats only organic food and the nanny gave your daughter an apple that wasn’t organic, you can remedy that quickly with a short conversation. </p><p><strong>The cons </strong></p><p>As much as we love our kids, most moms cannot come home and review eight to 10 hours of tape. Some moms who installed the devices reported feeling remiss when they did not keep tabs on the film. </p><p>Other moms said knowing they had constant access to watching their child created a huge distraction at their jobs. They had to consciously make an effort not to watch the goings-on at home so they could focus on their work.</p><p>And if you choose to install the device without your caregiver’s knowledge, you run the risk of the caregiver finding it. Trust is a two-way street, and anyone being filmed unknowingly would be justified in feeling violated. You don’t want one of the most important relationships in your life to become tainted with resentment. </p><p><strong>The middle ground</strong></p><p>Many day-care centers now have cameras for parents to keep in touch with their children throughout the day. Numerous polls and studies show that the vast majority of in-home caregivers do not mind being taped as they care for your children, provided they are informed. When interviewing prospective caregivers, discuss your intention to film the activities in your house, and state clearly who will have access to the tape. This can even be included as part of the contract between you and your caregiver. You should also state what you intend to do with the video recordings after viewing them, as the caregiver has the right to know that his or her image won’t end up on any social-media sites. Spell everything out.</p>Just keep in mind that nanny cams have the reputation of being used only in cases of mistrust. When deciding whether or not to use a nanny cam, know that when used in an open and agreed-upon way, a nanny cam can be a great tool in aiding transparency and communication between mom and caregiver.<p><br></p><p><em>Would you use a Nanny Cam? Ask other Solo Moms like you what they think on <a href="https://esme.com/sister-chat">Sister Chat</a>.</em></p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>