<p><strong><em>A list of gentle reminders to take care of yourself</em></strong></p><p>“Solo working mom” and “balance” don’t always go together. It’s important to keep in mind that balance is essential to taking care of yourself and your child. Here are some tips.</p><ul><li>Plan ahead. Make a list of what needs to get done in the morning, during the day, and evening to ensure that you remember everything and stay organized.</li><li>Put an invite on your calendar each day for some alone time. Even if it is only 5 minutes, some time to yourself before bed is essential. </li><li>Have a list of friends or family that can be your backup if you are running late to get the kids from school.</li><li>Eat a healthy diet and drink water. Make meals the night before so that you are not rushing to get dinner on the table after you pick the kids up from school after a long day at work.</li><li>Take a vacation day for yourself now and then. If budget does not allow it, even taking a day to relax by yourself at home can be a real treat. </li><li>Schedule physicals and dental appointments regularly. </li><li>Fit exercise in. Walk stairs, do jumping jacks, or find an online exercise class to do regularly. Get enough sleep. Most adults need seven to eight hours of sleep per night, though it varies among individuals. Get enough to feel well-rested and alert throughout the day.</li></ul><ul><li>Stay up beat. Keep friends around you who are positive and supportive. Search for local meetup groups for single parents and make connections.</li><li>Try meditation, yoga, counseling, or a support group to manage stress. </li><li>Make time for friends and family.</li></ul>As a working <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a>, balance is achievable. Keep these tips in mind!<hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com</span></p>
<p><strong></strong><em><strong>Is your inner child wreaking financial havoc?</strong></em></p><p>I know very few people who have an active, thriving relationship with their inner child. It’s as if the child we were becomes replaced by the adult we become without leaving a trace of our former self. Why are we so disconnected from our inner child? When people are asked to describe in detail their closest childhood friends, they smile and, without hesitation, launch into colorful descriptions of fond memories sharing lively stories of when they were kids. Yet when it comes to identifying a connection with one’s <em>own</em> inner child, people are perplexed by this and often find the idea of that inner child’s existence very challenging. The reason I mention this is because there can be a critical and painful disconnect between our “selves” and the child within. And it is that same child who may be wreaking havoc on our adult life.</p><p>How does this relate to a <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a>’s relationship with money? During childhood, we learn lessons about money from all types of experiences; some are healthy, others can be confusing or even detrimental. For example, the child who is given gifts as a substitute for quality time with a parent may, as an adult, spend money without limits as a means of comforting oneself against pain and disappointment, with little concern for the financial devastation it may cause. I had a client who thought nothing of spending $2,000 on a handbag and then proceeded to burst into tears when the credit-card bill arrived! That is a poignant example of one’s inner child wreaking havoc on her adult’s life. Another example is that many Solo Moms are concerned about credit-card debt, yet when they take a closer look at where their money is going, they realize they may be spending some of their hard-earned wages on things they don’t truly value. Upon closer inspection of their monthly statements, there are often charges that provide the inner child immediate relief or gratification but end up costing the adult much more in terms of increased financial stress when the bill comes in. </p><p>How are these buying decisions being influenced by our inner child?</p><p>Confusing messages about money are internalized at a young age. It’s much easier to suppress uncomfortable feelings or distort their meaning to make ourselves feel better. We use strategies to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or implement coping mechanisms to deal with harsh judgments from parents, relatives, and even the annoying kid who lived down the block. When we unconsciously absorb warped beliefs and behaviors around money, we carry these forward, creating patterns that continue throughout our adult lives.</p><p>On the opposite end of the spectrum from being fiscally irresponsible by overspending is the Solo Mom who earns a considerable income yet denies herself simple pleasures out of an irrational fear there won’t be enough. When these women trace their beliefs back to childhood, they often uncover shame around growing up with not enough to eat or dressing in hand-me-down clothes. Others share memories of having their allowance or part-time job money turned over to parents without any say in how it was spent. These individuals internalize a sense of powerlessness and deprivation only to re-create this pattern through punishing spending habits as adults. Denying oneself a new car when the old one is falling apart, making excuses not to join friends for dinner to forego treating yourself to a night out, or passing on a gym membership may all be signs of deprivation that need recalibrating.</p><p>All these personal discoveries are “gold” in that they lead straight to one’s inner child who, though hidden, is still alive inside each of us, dictating the actions we take. Often these choices do not accurately reflect a person’s current financial situation. The real challenge is to uncover these patterns as the first step toward changing one’s paradigm around money.</p><p>Decisions relating to money can be very fraught with intense emotion, making it difficult to act rationally. Once the connection between inner child and adult is established, a healthy compromise can be struck between the two, thereby permitting both “childlike” needs and “adult” reasoning to create a balance. Ignoring one’s inner child can come at a huge cost. It is important to have someone you trust help work out these feelings so you can move ahead with your life in a healthier relationship with your money.</p><p><br></p><p><em>Is your own inner child problematic? Get support from other Solo-Mom <a href="https://esme.com/auth/signup">Sisters</a>!</em></p><p><em><br></em></p><hr><p><br></p>
