Solo Moms who hit the road together: Be prepared, be realistic, and be flexible!
When I had kids, I daydreamed about taking them on trips to Disney World, and when they got old enough, we would travel abroad, experiencing new cultures and traditions. Then I got divorced, and the idea of taking any kind of vacation seemed entirely out of reach. Vacations are expensive! And if you’re a Solo Mom, it may seem near impossible to plan a fun getaway for you and your kids.
So when your friend asks if you want to take a vacation with her and her kids, you jump at the opportunity, right? Traveling together means sharing expenses and the added bonus of having another adult around for parenting support. The kids will play together, leaving you and your friend with time to relax—a lofty goal for most Solo Moms. But before you start packing your bags, it’s a good idea to consider the reality of the journey you’re embarking on so you can avoid some of the pitfalls.
The good and the bad of traveling with another Solo Mom
Splitting vacation costs with another Solo Mom is a great way to save money and may be the difference between being able to afford a vacation or settling for a staycation. But traveling can be stressful, and when you’re in close quarters with another mom and her family, the stress can mount quickly. What if you can’t stand the way she disciplines her kid? What if she tries parenting your child and it makes you uncomfortable? And what happens if one of you is thrifty while the other has a taste for champagne? Differences in parenting style or spending habits can create tension, and as with any relationship, going into the vacation blind is asking for trouble. Here’s what you can do to make sure your vacation is fun, not frantic.
Tips for your Solo Mom getaway
Plan, plan, plan! You may be thinking, She’s my BFF. What could go wrong? Everything. I took a trip with my best friend many years ago. It was impromptu, and we had a very loose agreement to split expenses. But we didn’t have a plan, so things began to fall apart right away. We weren’t on the same page about anything from activities to finances, and when we got back home, we didn’t speak for a month. It was awful and completely preventable.
Planning doesn’t mean that you have to have every second of your trip accounted for, but you should have a good idea of what you’ll be doing and everyone’s tolerances. For instance, if you’re taking a road trip, there are lots of things to think about before leaving home. How far will you drive each day? Will you stay in hotels? Will you get separate rooms, or will every night be one big slumber party? What does everyone like to do? Talking with your travel buddy about these things before the trip will help you avoid having to make decisions on the fly, adding stress to your travels.
Discuss finances before you go. Traveling with another Solo Mom will help defray some of your travel expenses. But as we know, money can be a deal breaker in relationships, including friendships. So, while you’re planning your trip, make sure you have an honest conversation about finances. What expenses will you share equally, and which will you handle on your own? How will you deal with conflicts over money? For instance, maybe you want to avoid spending money on souvenirs, but your friend has other ideas. Will it be awkward for you or your kids if your companions come away from every adventure with new toys or mementos? Will you feel left out?
Talk to your travel partner and to your kids about what they can expect on the trip. It’ll help you stay on budget and will put the emphasis back on fun.
Set boundaries. As Solo Moms, we’ve been the queen bees of our hives for so long, it might not feel natural to share the coparenting responsibilities with another adult. Even if you and your friend are constant companions and usually comfortable with the other’s parenting style, the added stress of traveling together can unravel those preconceived notions in a hot second, so it’s important to talk about your boundaries. Is there anything you’d like your friend to consider? How will you deal with conflict and chaos when you’re on the move?
Have a safe word. You thought safe words were just for hanky-panky, right? Let me assure you that traveling with a friend and her kids can feel like bondage. Everyone—kids and adults—will need some downtime, quiet time, or alone time. How are you going to facilitate that? How will you recognize when things have reached a boiling point? Decide on a cue that will let your friend know you need a break, and discuss the cues that your kids will give when they need some time out. Maybe your pal doesn’t know that when Susie starts singing to herself, it means your little introvert needs some alone time? Listening to our own bodies can be hard enough. Figuring out everyone else’s cues, especially when you’re already under stress, is just setting yourself up to fail.
Traveling with your friends and their kids can be unbelievably fun and rewarding. But like any relationship, friendships can be strained without open communication—so don’t let your travel plans drive a wedge between you. Be prepared, be realistic, and be flexible!
Amy Rivers is a writer and mother of two. She has a master’s degree with concentrations in psychology and political science, and enjoys writing both fiction and nonfiction pieces about women and women’s issues. Her debut novel, Wallflower Blooming, was released in August 2016. You can follow her on Twitter at @WritingRivers and learn more about her work at her website, www.amyrivers.com.
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