Quiz: Can You Attend My Childbirth?

Find out who’ll be a lifesaver and who’ll be a trainwreck

Every expectant mom is unique, and no two childbirths are the same. But there is one thing that’s true of every laboring woman: Whether she’s in a birthing tub or a hospital bed, whether her contractions have lasted four hours or 48, every laboring woman needs support, and lots of it.

To begin with, you’ll need physical support: someone to massage your lower back, fetch ice chips, or hold you steady on the birthing ball. More importantly, you’ll need emotional support—an advocate for your needs at the birthing center or hospital, a liaison to interface with medical personnel, and, above all, a cheerleader to keep encouraging you, no matter how long it takes. You’ll have a medical team, and maybe a doula, if you decide you want one, but you’ll need someone there who knows you well to act as a birth partner. When you’re flying solo, choosing this partner might take a bit of thought and creativity.

There’s a lot to consider when determining if someone is a good choice to be present at your childbirth. How do they perform in high-pressure situations? Are they able to put their own preferences and opinions aside to press for what you want? How comfortable are you with them? Do they calm you down or rile you up?

Many Solo Moms have family members who can assume this role—a parent, sibling, or cousin. Others will need to look outside their relations for the kind of calming, supportive presence that’s needed at a labor. What better way to choose the right candidate than with a handy-dandy quiz? Without further ado, we present the definitive “Can You Attend My Childbirth?” quiz.

1. During your pregnancy, this person has served the role of:
   
   1. counselor.
      
   2. mentor.
      
   3. judge and jury.
      
2. When you see this person’s face or hear their voice, your first reaction is to:
   
   1. smile.
      
   2. sigh—sometimes in relief, sometimes in frustration.
      
   3. run in the opposite direction.
      
3. If this person were a pair of shoes, she or he would be:
   
   1. durable sneakers that fit so well and provide such good support, you could run five marathons with them on.
      
   2. gorgeous heels that make you happy every time you see them.
      
   3. boots that are two sizes too small and agonizing on your feet.
      
4. After spending 24 continuous hours with this person, you feel:
   
   1. contented and even-keeled.
      
   2. a little irritated.
      
   3. so desperate to escape their company, that were it the zombie apocalypse, you’d risk annihilation by fleeing the premises.
      
5. When you think about this person seeing a human being wriggle out of your vagina, you think:
   
   1. She or he has seen worse. Who cares?
      
   2. Kind of awkward, but we’ll get over it.
      
   3. Just reading the question made a little part of you die of embarrassment, and you are currently having a full-fledged panic attack.
      
6. If this person were a body of water, she or he would be:
   
   1. a placid lake.
      
   2. a swimming pool that’s sometimes too cold but usually a pleasure.
      
   3. an ocean during a hurricane.
      
7. Under pressure, this person:
   
   1. remains preternaturally calm and level-headed.
      
   2. shuts down and goes fully deer-in-the-headlights.
      
   3. completely falls apart.
      
8. When you have a bad cold, this person:
   
   1. brings soup and ginger ale.
      
   2. calls to check up on you.
      
   3. gets annoyed because she just spent the day with you and now she’s probably going to get sick too.
      
9. This person gives advice:
   
   1. when you ask for it.
      
   2. generously but knows when to back off.
      
   3. like a meter maid gives tickets at the end of the month.
      
10. If this person were a drink, she or he would be:
    
    1. a cold, refreshing beer on a hot day.
       
    2. a perfectly made martini that goes down smooth and makes you feel just groovy afterward.
       
    3. a shot of Jäger that tastes vile in the moment, worse later on, and makes you instantly regret having had anything to do with it.
       
11. When you found out you were pregnant, you:
    
    1. immediately dialed this person’s number.
       
    2. were really nervous about sharing the news with him or her.
       
    3. still haven’t told them. Maybe they’ll never find out?
       

The results

• Mostly As: Yes! Absolutely! Run, don’t walk, to wherever this person is, get down on one knee (if your enormous pregnant belly allows), and ask this person to please, please, please be present at your childbirth.
  
• Mostly Bs: Hmmm. This bears further thought. This person might very well be a good fit, but might not be as helpful as you need. Sleep on it.
  
• Mostly Cs: Uh, no. No way. Fuggedaboutit. You might love this person to death but do not under any circumstances allow him or her within 20 feet of your delivery room.
  

Remember to join and search Sisters to connect with other pregnant Solo Moms who are preparing for their babies.

Nicole C. Kear, is the author of Now I See You: A Memoir, recently published by St. Martin’s Press. Kear, who lives in New York City, is also an editor, speaker, and mother of three.

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