The Unexpected Gifts That Come with Getting Divorced
Dear ESME Sisters,
It’s hard to believe that almost 10 years have passed since my ex-husband and I split up. But despite it being a decade since the split, I can still vividly remember all the feelings I experienced as a newly separated mom of two toddlers.
Of those feelings (which included sadness, failure, anger, bitterness, resentment, confusion, and more), the worst one—by far—was fear. I was scared shitless—scared to be alone, scared financially, scared for my kids, scared of the unknown, and scared I would never again feel safe, secure, and happy.
Fast-forward to now: I am employed (and loving it), I have a successful business, I have two teenagers who are the best kids I could ask for, I have a pretty good relationship with my ex, and I have a man whom I truly love and never even expected!
Did all of that come easily or quickly? Hell, no. The first year was a roller coaster of ups and downs that were brutally exhausting. The downs included outrageously high attorney’s fees, trying to comfort my distraught young children, finding out my ex was dating my neighbor, and getting the worst flu I have ever had in my life.
But with every passing month and year, things got increasingly better for me. I began writing a novel, which ended up getting published. That led me to fulfilling my dream of writing creatively and getting paid for it. I learned independence and that I had strength I never even realized I was capable of. I also fell madly in love. In other words, even though I never wanted to be divorced, I ended up with more gifts than I would have thought possible.
I’m not going to lie. I made a ton of mistakes. I tried so many jobs before one worked out, I dated the wrong people, I did some really stupid stuff, and don’t even get me started talking about the money I wasted on things!
Life isn’t perfect now, but it is really, really great. I enjoy every single day, whether I’m working; spending time with my hilarious, adorable kids; or seeing my guy (who still makes my heart pound every time he walks into a room).
Looking back, one thing I wish I had when I was going through my divorce was other women to talk with, lean on, and even just vent to. In other words, I wish I had ESME! This is a wonderful place to connect and bond with other Solo Moms who have lots of the same issues as you.
A couple weeks ago, I was outraged by something that happened to me and felt like I wanted to tell someone. So, what did I do? I went on ESME’s Sister Chat and vented. I felt better instantly just by simply writing it down. But the real benefit came when I got about 10 responses from other women who took the time to respond and give me advice. I felt understood, like they “get” me! It’s a great feeling of peace, and it allows for accepting the issue and moving on when other women who’ve been there can share great coping mechanisms for how to deal with your situation. Be sure to check out ESME’s Divorce Tribe as well.
So, welcome to this wonderful site, where Solo Moms care for one another and become virtual friends. We are happy to have you here!