Because you’re pregnant, not dead!
As a Solo Mom who is currently in a surrogate-pregnancy situation, I thought I was at peace with being alone for the next few months, as I had recently gone through a divorce and then what my friends jokingly called a “quarter-life crisis.” The next thing I knew, a coworker introduced me to a dating app called Tinder, and I figured, What the heck. No one would be interested anyway, but swiping left and right looked fun, so I decided to give it a shot.
No matter how you came to be pregnant and flying solo, I have some dating tips for those who don’t want to spend the next few months lonely.
Be completely up front about your situation. He’s going to notice, at some point, that you’re pregnant (if it’s not already obvious). The best thing you can do is get it out of the way early and explain what your situation is. Let him decide if it’s a deal breaker or not. You might be surprised by how many men actually have an open mind about it! I made sure to put in my dating profile that I was carrying a surrogate baby, but I found that there were men out there who didn’t read my profile at all. With that said, I made sure to mention it before agreeing to meet anyone or exchanging phone numbers. That caused a few men to suddenly drop off the face of the earth, but ultimately, it also saved me from the hassle of meeting up with a guy who would be in shock for the remainder of our date . . . if he didn’t turn around and walk out on me immediately. (And that would have left me mortified in front of an entire restaurant!)
Don’t expect to get super serious. Sure, there are plenty of open-minded men out there, but remember that you are going through a pretty intense stage of your life and he had nothing to do with how you got there. Don’t expect him to hold your hand through active labor (though he might be cool with it by the time you get there, if things work out), and keep in mind that your situation is going to be weird for him at times, especially if he doesn’t have children yet. One man asked me on our first date if I was interested in having more children, which, considering my condition, I didn’t think anything of at the time because I thought we really clicked and I was into him. However, in retrospect, I should have put the brakes on right there to save myself some serious heartache a few weeks later, as he ended up breaking things off, saying things were “going too fast” for him.
Be careful. And speaking of “going too fast,” if you decide to have sex with someone while you’re pregnant, make sure that you use protection—finding out you got a sexually transmitted disease not only would be really embarrassing but also could put the baby’s health at risk! If you’re in a surrogate situation as well, you may not be able to have sex at all if you’re not already in a monogamous relationship, and obviously your partner should be disease-free, too. You’ll also need to be on the lookout for guys who just want to sleep with you. Believe it or not, some guys out there do have weird pregnancy fetishes, or they see being pregnant as a bonus because if they do sleep with you, they can’t get you pregnant if you’re already pregnant.
Plan your dates around your cravings! One plus about being pregnant is that there usually isn’t any question about what you want to eat . . . or totally avoid. Use it to your advantage—it may be the one time you’re asked where you’d like to go and you don’t have to say, “Well, I don’t know. . . .” And you can totally request a trip to that new, hip cupcake food truck; snow-cone stand; or the place with super-huge and elaborate milkshakes with zero guilt! In this case, I’m pretty sure everyone wins!
Expect some embarrassing moments. OK, so there is one downside to being pregnant while dating, especially if you’re dating someone new during, say, the third trimester. First of all, when you are on a date, practically everyone you see is going to assume that you’re together and made the baby together, so you might want to be prepared for that. Second, things happen during pregnancy. At some point, you might cough, sneeze, or laugh and simultaneously pee yourself a little bit (which panty liners do help with, just saying . . .), or your water could break, and pregnant women can also be quite . . . gassy. Be prepared, as any of those things could happen while you’re on a date with someone new, but also plan to laugh it off because, really, what else can you do?
All in all, if you find yourself flying solo during pregnancy, it’s safe to say that you can date, and there isn’t a shortage of men out there who are willing to give you a chance despite your current situation. There is no reason for you to sit around for a few months feeling sorry for yourself when there are plenty of decent men out there—and even if a date doesn’t work out romantically, you might find yourself with a really cute, new friend.
Did you know we have a Pregnancy Resource Section with a knowledgeable guide, articles, and resources? We also have a Tribe just for pregnant Solo Moms!
Please feel free to contact us with any comments or questions.
