An ESME Sister’s plea for any mom who’s lost a child
I have to tell you this.
You didn’t fail. Not even a little.
YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE MOTHER!
You didn’t choose this. You didn’t want this to happen. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just happened. To you. Even though everything within you was screaming no, no, no, no.
God didn’t do this to punish you, smite you, or to teach you a lesson. That is not God’s way. You could not have prevented this if you tried harder, prayed harder, or were a “better” person. Nor if you were better, loved harder, practiced more yoga, did x, y, or z to the nth degree—fill in the blank with any other lie your mind devises.
No, there is nothing more you could have done. And you are the best mother there is because you would have done absolutely anything to keep your child alive. To breathe your last breath instead. That is the ultimate kind of love.
You are the ultimate kind of mother!
So wash your hands of any naysayers, betrayers, or those who sprinted in the other direction when you needed them most, and anyone whose words or looks have implied this was somehow your fault. This will never be your fault, no matter how many different ways someone tries to tell you it was.
Especially if that someone happens to be you!
Sometimes it’s your own inner voice that shoves you into the darkest corner of despair, like an abuser, telling you over and over and over again you failed as a mother. Convincing you if only this and what if that. Saying you coulda, shoulda done this or that so your child would not have died.
DO NOT BELIEVE IT, NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND!
YOU ARE THE BEST DAMN MOTHER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
No one else could do what you do. No one else could carry this unrelenting burden as courageously.
There is no one, no one, no one who could ever, ever replace you. No one. You were chosen to be a mother. Yes—chosen. You have a sacred strength.
You are the mother of all mothers!
So breathe, Mama. Believe, Mama. Fight, Mama. You did not fail, not even a little.
For what it’s worth, I see you. It takes invincible strength to mother a child whom you can no longer hold, see, touch, or hear.
You are a superhero, Mama!
The truth is, you haven’t failed at all. In fact, just the opposite. You are truly the most inspiring, courageous, loving mother there is—a warrior mama through and through.
YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF ALL MOTHERS, FOR EVEN IN DEATH, YOU LOVINGLY MOTHER YOUR PRECIOUS CHILD STILL!