Plenty of Eye Rolls, None of the Intimacy

Plenty of Eye Rolls, None of the Intimacy

When relationships shift, cute quirks become plain annoyances

My husband nicknamed me Double-Check Debbie because of my propensity to be excessively thorough. “Did you remember to pack sunscreen?” I’d ask for a second time. “Did you make a reservation?” I’d inquire again. He’d often respond by rolling his eyes and saying, “Yes, Double-Check Debbie. I made the reservation.” And then he’d squeeze me tight and say something like this: “You can be such a nudge, but at least you’re my nudge.” And I’d feel loved and understood.

When we were married, the eye rolls would be softened by a compliment or a cuddle, but no longer. Now that we are divorced, Double Check Debbie prompts plenty of eye rolls and none of the intimacy. I miss that intimacy. I miss having a partner who loved me not only in spite of my flaws but also because of them.

I wonder if he feels the same. Does he think I’m less tolerant of his foibles than I used to be? Does he resent experiencing the frustrations that come with partnership without enjoying the benefits? I mentioned this to him once, and he responded with a blank stare. Maybe this loss is mine alone. How do the rest of you feel? Please share at Find more divorce resources here.

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Annette Powers is a Solo Mom who lives in Brooklyn, New York. A communications professional, she writes about divorce, coparenting, and culture in her spare time. You can follow her on Twitter @annettepowers

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