SISTER NOTE

Sarah Kowalski

Solo Mom by Choice Resource Guide

A Welcome Note from Your Solo Mom by Choice Resource Guide, Sarah Kowalski


Dear ESME Sisters,

I woke up at 39 and realized that if I wanted to have a child, I was going to have to do it alone since there was no potential partner for me on the horizon. As my biological clock relentlessly ticked, I was forced to revise my idea of motherhood—from an experience I would share with a partner to a journey I would embark upon alone. Getting pregnant wasn’t easy, and everything that could go wrong did. But in the end, I did it, and if given the chance, I’d do it all again.

Unlike many women who find themselves solo after divorce, separation, or even the death of a partner, I began this journey knowing I’d be doing it alone. The decision was well thought out and contemplated. I planned and planned some more. I tried to get pregnant for over a year, and it could be said that I knew what I was getting into, even though, let’s be honest, it’s impossible to understand what’s truly involved in motherhood until you become a mother.

In some ways, having embarked on solo motherhood consciously and deliberately is empowering. I am regularly amazed at all the things I hold together to make my and my son’s life work smoothly. And I truly believe that, in some ways, not having a partner makes parenting easier. I don’t have to agree on parenting methods or other big decisions, and there is no ex-partner to disappoint me by not living up to my expectations. After divorce or separation, that equation only gets more complicated.

But, by the same token, there are no breaks—you are “on” 24/7—and there’s no partner to discuss what is best your child, no person to shoulder some of the parenting duties (unless you are lucky to have very engaged parents to help out). Making big decisions or trying to advocate for your child can feel daunting and overwhelming. I know that, more than once, I’ve yearned for a sounding board with whom to discuss major life choices. With little in the way of family support, I’ve had to create my own tribe to help me thrive.

And that’s where ESME comes in—a community of Solo Moms who are ready to listen and give advice.

Being a Solo Mom by choice is a unique form of solo mothering, and yet no less messy, complicated, and, at times, lonely, than being a Solo Mom by any other circumstance.

ESME understands solo parenting in all its flavors, providing much-needed information and resources for all Solo Moms, such as financial advice, tips on dating, and help finding ways to secure reliable child care, systems that save time, that elusive work-life balance, and time for self-care, and more.

And yet ESME, and I as your Solo Mom by Choice Resource Guide, understand that when you are trying to make the decision to take the leap into solo motherhood, getting and being pregnant alone pose their own set of challenges, as does raising a child with no one to turn to so you can have a well-deserved break.

Whatever your situation, we have you covered here at ESME. Check out these Solo Mom by Choice Resource articles as well the Advanced Reproductive Technology and Pregnancy sections. And join me and many others in Sister Chat, our closed Facebook group, and Solo Mom by Choice Tribe, where you can ask questions and get advice on from myself and other women like you.

Welcome. I hope you find comfort and support at ESME—we’re so glad you’re here.

Sarah Kowalski


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