Why It’s All Worth It
Advice from a new Solo Mom, Sidney Cavaricci-White
Q: What’s the hardest part about parenting on your own?
A: The hardest part about parenting on my own is that I have to cover all the parent roles. I have to make all the decisions by myself. I do try to include my daughter’s father in as much as I can, but mostly I end up doing it by myself. The late nights and the total lack of time for myself are more practical hardships.
Q: What advice would you give to pregnant women who are solo?
A: Get a rocking sleeper or bassinet. (Anything that will make that baby want to sleep more is a blessing.) Keep an eye on your stock of diapers and wipes. (You won’t be able to send anyone out to get more if you run out unexpectedly.) Most importantly, pamper yourself! You’ll be dedicating all your time and energy to someone who can’t show you how appreciated you are, so you have to appreciate yourself as much as you can.
Q: When you get demoralized, what picks you back up again?
A: It may sound cheesy, but I think about my daughter—this wild and incredible little person who is just so perfect. I think about how she is who she is because of me, and that she needs me to be strong and do what I have to do.
Sometimes if we’re having a really rough night, I throw our schedule out the window and I put her in her high chair with a snack and paint, or we dance around the house like crazy people until we feel better.
Q: What’s one of your guilty pleasures?
A: My guiltiest pleasure as a mother is probably that I nurse her in the middle of the night. My daughter is 100% sleep-trained for her naps and at bedtime, but around 1:00 a.m., I wake up to find her laughing or crying, watching me, waiting for me to pick her up and put her in bed next to me at my breast. She’s old enough to sleep with me, so I get extra hours of sleep (which I love), but really having her so close and cuddled is just my favorite thing ever.
Q: Tell us about a moment from the past week where you felt like a great mom, where you thought, “Yes! Nailed it!”
A: This week she started giving kisses—real, actual, not-slobbering-all-over-you kisses—with puckered lips and everything. She thinks it’s so funny. How happy and affectionate she is makes me feel like I’m doing something right.
Photo credit Sidney Cavaricci-White
Nicole C. Kear, is the author of Now I See You: A Memoir, recently published by St. Martin’s Press. Kear, who lives in New York City, is also an editor, speaker, and mother of three.
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