Humorous Online Dating Tips


Humorous Online Dating Tips

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An introduction to the perfect dating website profile from Jason Hayes of the New Yorker

Say what you will about online dating, but one thing’s for sure: it’s fantastic fodder for humor. Everything from choosing a profile picture to venturing out on that first date with an online beau can be rife with challenges. Many are so absurd, all you can do is laugh at them.

Whether you’re testing the waters of online dating, in up to your elbows, or flailing around in need of a life raft, check out this introduction to online dating by Jason Hayes in the New Yorker. Hayes offers advice on every aspect of digital dating drama:

  • Having trouble creating your profile?

“Try casting a wide net with an appealing and impossible balance of conflicting descriptors,” writes Hayes. “Say you’re quirky but also comfortably mainstream. You like to go out at night but you also like not to go out at night.”

  • Stumped about what to write in a message a prospective date?

“Your message needs to be a sexy cannon shot across your prospective mate’s bow that roars, “Ahoy, Fitnfun237, I’ve sailed the seven seas of your profile; prepare to be boarded! ” No matter what, your message should be pirate-themed.”

  • Unsure what to make of the whole crazy scene?

“Online dating is like your fifth glass of whiskey,” Hayes concludes. “It may complete you, but it may also make you cry.”

Now, get on out there!


Nicole C. Kear, is the author of Now I See You: A Memoir, recently published by St. Martin’s Press. Kear, who lives in New York City, is also an editor, speaker, and mother of three.

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