Swipe 8: The Times Are a Changin’!
Your own personal Clooney might be just a Tinder tap away
Thanks to Tinder and online dating in general, we ladies are finding our mojo and our confidence, and realizing hell, we want to get laid, too!
And once we’ve been laid, we want to get laid again and again and again.
If you are midlife dating, if you are again faced with dipping your toe into the man pond, hell, if you are reading this column . . . then chances are you’ve been left in some way, shape, or form. By choice, by death, by default, no matter: it hurts. You hurt. You are a Solo Mom, a widow, a divorcée, or just a gal who’s been unlucky with her choices in men. For whatever reason, your life has not turned out the way you’d expected.
You did not plan to be a fish in the dating pool at this stage of the game. Most of us imagined having an awesome career and growing old with our George Clooney–look-alike husband, sporting 2.5 children and living in a Cape Cod–style home in a beautiful nonexistent neighborhood.
We did not fathom we’d be standing outside a bar at 2:00 a.m. on a Wednesday night, crying into our empty martini glass, wearing Spanks and too-high shoes that look ridiculous and hurt our feet, bumming cigarettes off a chick young enough to be our daughter.
And because of the unconscious and conscious messages we’ve been fed our entire lives via media, parents, friends, school, and our freaking imaginations, we feel horrible about ourselves for being in this situation.
The question I ask you now is this: Why?
Why do we feel bad about this? Why do we feel shame? Why do we feel like failures for being alone at “our age”? And why do we beat ourselves up about it when we already feel shitty to begin with?
What’s wrong with going after what we want—and getting it?
If Tinder, Match, OkCupid, Hinge, Zoosk, JDate, or any other online-dating source offers a way for us to explore and discover exactly what it is that we desire, what’s the problem?
Continuing my line of questioning, why do so many women attach a stigma to online dating when, for most of us, it’s the only way we can meet men?
Here are some excuses women give for not going on Tinder (or other dating sites):
- “It’s just for hookups.” (No it’s not. Don’t be an ignoramus.)
- “I want to meet a man naturally.” (What the heck does that mean?)
- “What if my kids see me on there?” (So what! And what are your kids doing with your phone?)
- “What if my ex sees me?” (Great! You look hot!)
- “What if a parent at my kid’s school sees me?” (Who the fuck cares? They’re on Tinder, too.)
- “How embarrassing.” (You are wearing my ass out already.)
I imagine the dude who broke your heart is not feeling the anxiety you are—about anything. He is most likely remarried, dating the young chick who just gave you the cigarette, or out there getting laid. And he is enjoying it.
Well, lovely! So can you! This is the 21st century. We can educate ourselves, bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, raise the kids, pay the mortgage, work out, volunteer at school, look amazing, and, dammit, be OK with not being attached to a man. Most important, we can get laid as much and in whatever way we want—and we can enjoy it. Lord knows we deserve it!
And with just a witty blurb, some snappy photos, and a few carefully worded texts, you are on your way. There is someone for everyone, and thanks to Tinder and online dating, that someone is just a tap away. Whether you’re mature or young, tall or short, skinny or full figured, Flatsy Patsy or Boobalicious, there’s a dude waiting to swipe that beautiful mug of yours.
Go for it! This is the time of your life. The worst is behind you; the best is yet to come. Your own personal Clooney might be just a Tinder tap away. You won’t know until you try. And, trust me, you are going to have a heck of a lot of fun trying.
So, swipe on, sistah!
P. Charlotte Lindsay is a middle-aged Solo Mom. She shares her newfound expertise as a user of a dating app that can help you meet guys, get laid, and maybe even find love. She is a real person, though her name has been changed to protect the innocent, namely her children and parents. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Please feel free to contact us with any comments or questions.