Hello, Solo Moms,
Welcome to the wonderful world of Solo Mom dating.
If you are like me, I imagine when you were young you didn’t have fantasies of growing up to be a single mom. You didn’t dream of not finding Prince or Princess Charming, or finding him or her only to go through a nasty divorce or an untimely death. (Oddly enough, I did have a teenaged period with fantasies of having children on my own—probably due to my One Day at a Time phase—but I went the Prince Charming/nasty divorce route anyhow.)
I have a feeling none of us could fathom we’d be Solo Moms . . . and dating. “Challenging” does not begin to describe it. “Worth the effort” does.
Aside from the traditional “blind date” set up by a friend, or worse—your mom—meeting potential dates in the modern world is difficult. Old-fashioned eye-to-eye contact has gone the way of the cellular device. The simple fact that people spend a majority of time looking down at their phones as opposed to up at those around them has hampered opportunities to connect.
Thanks to technology, automobiles, and all things isolating, the concept of community is fading. Aside from heavily populated cities with condensed living, watering holes, bustling coffeehouses, and daily market runs to the quaint grocery store on the corner—more and more people sequester themselves. Facebook and Netflix have replaced community events that at one time brought people together and made for the “cute meetings” we used to see in the movies. Much of courtship now plays out online.
The paradigm for dating has completely changed, along with the rules. “Who makes the first move?” “Who pays?” “When is it appropriate to have sex?” “How do single parents have sex if they both have kids at home?!”
And when dating, the biggest condundrum—though we love them to bits—is our kids. “Do I introduce my kids to my date?” (No!) “I feel guilty leaving them.” “How do I meet someone if I can’t afford a sitter?” “Am I doomed to be alone forever?!”
No, you are not doomed to be alone forever. You have kids! You will never be alone again. . . . Moreover, with careful planning and armed with knowledge, common sense, and a dash of bravery, it is totally possible to date as a Solo Mom. And ESME is here to help you along the way.
Check out our Dating Resource Section for articles and info on everything from how to date online to the best dating sites to dealing with your date’s crazy ex-wife to the all-important, “Do I introduce my kids to my date?” (No!)
If you are looking for answers to specific questions (because Lord knows anything can happen in the world of single-parent dating), turn to our Sister Chat. You are not alone. Whatever you are wondering, whatever you are going through—one of us has likely been there. Plus, sometimes it’s nice to just share a laugh with gal pals in the same situation.
So get out your party shoes; line up some friends, sitters, and grandmas; get online or join a Meetup; and get out there and date. You are a Solo Mom who needs to be her separate self. You are a woman who deserves the time, attention, and maybe even a nice meal.
This is going to be so fun!
P.S. I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. And be sure to check out our dating articles and Sister Chat for all things related to Solo Mom dating. For additional support and connection, turn to Sisters Only, where you will find other moms who understand. Remember, at ESME, Solo doesn’t mean alone.