Keep your past relationship in the past, where it belongs
Don’t let the baggage from your past relationship ruin your new one. These tips will keep the drama at bay.
- Try not to mention your ex too often, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. I was dating someone who said he felt like my ex-husband’s ghost was constantly present. The relationship didn’t last long because he didn’t believe I was ready for something new.
- Don’t compare your new partner to your old one. Just because your ex was a gourmet chef, doesn’t mean that your new honey, who can only heat up a frozen dinner, is not amazing.
- Don’t let the harm that was caused in your previous relationship make you think that history will repeat itself; for example, don’t assume your current partner is cheating on you just because your ex was a philanderer.
- Ease your new partner into the family. Don’t rush parental responsibilities or closeness. Give your new partner and kids plenty of time and space to get to know one another.
- Set aside designated time to talk about necessary issues, such as custody or child support, but don’t let issues with an ex dominate your conversations.
- Don’t turn your partner into your therapist.
Annette Powers is a Solo Mom who lives in Brooklyn, New York. A communications professional, she writes about divorce, coparenting, and culture in her spare time.
Ashley Volz-Reiss spent several years as a Solo Mom. She has gone on to earn her master’s degree in social work and is now a therapist helping children and families. She’s remarried and keeps busy raising her spirited six-year-old son.
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