<p><strong><em>The truth about sleep and your well-being</em></strong></p><p>Getting the right amount of sleep is essential for health and productivity. But being a <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a> brings a unique set of challenges—shift work, second jobs, sick kids, worries, and hectic schedules can all cut in to sleep. So why is sleep so important? And what can Solo Moms do to make sure they are getting the sleep they need?</p><p><strong>How much sleep does the average person need?</strong></p><p>The average adult needs between seven and eight hours of sleep each day. But it differs for each individual. If you find yourself struggling to stay awake midday, you probably need more sleep.</p><p><strong>I’m not doing anything while I sleep; why should I spend so much time doing it?</strong></p><p>Although it seems like you aren’t doing anything, your brain is quite active while you sleep. Both your body and your brain are doing a wide variety of maintenance tasks during sleep. Experts say that too few hours of restorative sleep can have a detrimental effect on both your mental abilities and your physical health.</p><p><strong>Solo Moms often work multiple jobs. How can you squeeze in some extra sleep? Is napping OK?</strong></p><p>Napping is a great way for Solo Moms to squeeze in a little sleep. Actually, most cultures incorporate a midday nap into their day. Naturally, our bodies have a slight lag in our internal clock midday. Add late nights, hectic schedules, and stress to this natural inclination and most Solo Moms have more than a slight lag midday! If your children are younger, try napping when they nap. If they are school age, grab some sleep while they are at school. Experts suggest that you nap no more than 30 to 60 minutes, and do it earlier in the afternoon, maybe after lunch, if possible. If you wait too late in the day for your nap, it may interfere with your bedtime.</p><p><strong>Many Solo Moms work nights so they are available during the day. This makes getting enough sleep extremely difficult. How can they get a good “day’s” sleep?</strong></p><p>Shift workers can have an especially difficult time getting enough sleep. First, make sleep a priority. Since you are home during the day, you can get pulled in to doing chores and errands—don’t! Child care is an essential task you need to be awake for, but folding laundry is not. Set aside several hours during the day to sleep. Make sure your room is dark; you can get fairly inexpensive room-darkening blinds. Also, the temperature is important, so keep your bedroom a little cooler. The sleep environment is important and mostly under your control. If there is neighborhood noise, earplugs are a cheap and effective solution. Having a friend watch your child for a few hours every day will ease the burden, too. </p><p><strong>Can’t I just sleep in on the weekends? Will that help?</strong></p><p>Sometimes it is a major relief if your child is away for a weekend—a golden opportunity to sleep. Sleeping later on the weekends can relieve a bit of your sleep debt from the week, but not all of it. The other side effect of sleeping later is it makes going to bed on Sunday night more difficult, cutting into your sleep right at the beginning of the week. As a survival tactic, sleeping later on the weekends is OK, but, for optimal functioning, try to get more sleep on a regular basis.</p><p><strong>I have difficulty falling asleep. Can I have a glass of wine or beer before lying down?</strong></p><p>Solo Moms have a lot on their minds. It can be very difficult to turn that brain off and relax enough to fall asleep. Although drinking a glass of wine of beer often make falling asleep easier, it can cause a restless sleep. Alcohol disrupts REM sleep patterns and can make it harder to stay asleep during that phase throughout the night. So although having a glass of wine or beer makes you feel relaxed and sleepy, it will often cause you to wake up several times during the course of the night.</p><p><strong>What about over-the-counter sleep aids—will those work better?</strong></p><p>Most over-the-counter sleep aids are antihistamines with a sedative effect. This makes you sleep, but it often will leave you feeling groggy and unwell in the morning. The whole point of getting a good night’s sleep is to feel rested and productive the next day, and over-the-counter sleep aids will probably not make you feel rested. Also, tolerance to the sedative effect of sleep aids grows quickly, and they will no longer make you feel sleepy after a short time. There is also the risk of medical interaction if you take prescriptions for any other ailments.</p><p><strong>I cannot turn my brain off to fall asleep! I’m worried about money, schedules, etc. What do I do about that?</strong></p><p>It may be helpful to set up a pre-bedtime routine—maybe a warm bath and a book (<em>not</em> your Kindle or phone). It doesn’t have to be elaborate, just something to signal to your body that you are getting ready for bed. Write down your concerns and worries before your bath, and don’t address them again till morning. Whatever activity helps you to relax and you can do on a regular basis would be great for a pre-bedtime ritual.</p><p>Solo Moms have a huge amount of responsibility. They shoulder the burden of their household, child care, work and school schedules, bills, meals—everything. It is no wonder that Solo Moms often struggle with getting enough sleep. Sleep is often the first thing they sacrifice to get their tasks completed. But sleep is an essential part of our health. Being chronically fatigued causes us to be much less productive and far less capable of dealing with the everyday stress of our lives. Make sleep a priority, and you will feel better and healthier throughout your day.</p><hr><p><span style="font-size: 11px;">Image via Shutterstock.com </span></p>
<p><strong></strong><em><strong>Is your inner child wreaking financial havoc?</strong></em></p><p>I know very few people who have an active, thriving relationship with their inner child. It’s as if the child we were becomes replaced by the adult we become without leaving a trace of our former self. Why are we so disconnected from our inner child? When people are asked to describe in detail their closest childhood friends, they smile and, without hesitation, launch into colorful descriptions of fond memories sharing lively stories of when they were kids. Yet when it comes to identifying a connection with one’s <em>own</em> inner child, people are perplexed by this and often find the idea of that inner child’s existence very challenging. The reason I mention this is because there can be a critical and painful disconnect between our “selves” and the child within. And it is that same child who may be wreaking havoc on our adult life.</p><p>How does this relate to a <a href="https://esme.com/voices/perspectives/whats-a-solo-mom" target="_blank" class="wordlink">Solo Mom</a>’s relationship with money? During childhood, we learn lessons about money from all types of experiences; some are healthy, others can be confusing or even detrimental. For example, the child who is given gifts as a substitute for quality time with a parent may, as an adult, spend money without limits as a means of comforting oneself against pain and disappointment, with little concern for the financial devastation it may cause. I had a client who thought nothing of spending $2,000 on a handbag and then proceeded to burst into tears when the credit-card bill arrived! That is a poignant example of one’s inner child wreaking havoc on her adult’s life. Another example is that many Solo Moms are concerned about credit-card debt, yet when they take a closer look at where their money is going, they realize they may be spending some of their hard-earned wages on things they don’t truly value. Upon closer inspection of their monthly statements, there are often charges that provide the inner child immediate relief or gratification but end up costing the adult much more in terms of increased financial stress when the bill comes in. </p><p>How are these buying decisions being influenced by our inner child?</p><p>Confusing messages about money are internalized at a young age. It’s much easier to suppress uncomfortable feelings or distort their meaning to make ourselves feel better. We use strategies to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or implement coping mechanisms to deal with harsh judgments from parents, relatives, and even the annoying kid who lived down the block. When we unconsciously absorb warped beliefs and behaviors around money, we carry these forward, creating patterns that continue throughout our adult lives.</p><p>On the opposite end of the spectrum from being fiscally irresponsible by overspending is the Solo Mom who earns a considerable income yet denies herself simple pleasures out of an irrational fear there won’t be enough. When these women trace their beliefs back to childhood, they often uncover shame around growing up with not enough to eat or dressing in hand-me-down clothes. Others share memories of having their allowance or part-time job money turned over to parents without any say in how it was spent. These individuals internalize a sense of powerlessness and deprivation only to re-create this pattern through punishing spending habits as adults. Denying oneself a new car when the old one is falling apart, making excuses not to join friends for dinner to forego treating yourself to a night out, or passing on a gym membership may all be signs of deprivation that need recalibrating.</p><p>All these personal discoveries are “gold” in that they lead straight to one’s inner child who, though hidden, is still alive inside each of us, dictating the actions we take. Often these choices do not accurately reflect a person’s current financial situation. The real challenge is to uncover these patterns as the first step toward changing one’s paradigm around money.</p><p>Decisions relating to money can be very fraught with intense emotion, making it difficult to act rationally. Once the connection between inner child and adult is established, a healthy compromise can be struck between the two, thereby permitting both “childlike” needs and “adult” reasoning to create a balance. Ignoring one’s inner child can come at a huge cost. It is important to have someone you trust help work out these feelings so you can move ahead with your life in a healthier relationship with your money.</p><p><br></p><p><em>Is your own inner child problematic? Get support from other Solo-Mom <a href="https://esme.com/auth/signup">Sisters</a>!</em></p><p><em><br></em></p><hr><p><br></p>